August 23, 2019

Asking for What You Need – Why You Should and Why It’s Hard

We are born fully programmed to ask for, and receive, what we need.  A baby just minutes old will turn its head expectantly, assuming its biological need for sustenance will be met promptly.  If it isn’t, the baby cries, and mama puts the little wiggleworm to her breast.  Feedback loop complete.  Easy, right? Well, yes, […]

Key Elements of Trust

Some people are more trusting than others. Some are more trustworthy. But once trust is broken, it is not easy to rebuild (though not impossible in many cases). There is more than one way to breach trust.  ° Lara was never sure when Paul would be kind and supportive or when he’d berate her cruelly for […]

Relationship Lessons from the Not-So-Crazy Cat Lady

Animal lovers usually enjoy projecting human motives and traits onto their pets. We pretend we know what they’re thinking—in human terms. Although our cats, dogs, parrots, horses, and guinea pigs are probably chuckling quietly whenever we do that, there is still much to learn—as humans—from the animal world. Animals don’t second guess themselves. They live […]

Who Are You? Connecting with Your Intrinsic Self (Part II)

The truth of who you are is inevitably beautiful, and living in alignment with that truth feels so good. There is no pretense required. You don’t have to psych yourself up to interact with this or that person, because you are simply you in every moment… and being you is effortless. It’s when we live […]

Why Emotional Security is #1 in a Relationship

My client Virginia originally called me to help her navigate a difficult relationship. She loved Pat so much it was painful. The problem was, it actually was painful. She never knew when he was going to pull the rug out from under her. One day he was understanding and supportive, telling her how much he […]

Reaching Accord: How the Power Struggle Stage Can Create Relationship Growth

A few weeks ago, I got a call from Eric. He needed coaching, he said, because his perfect relationship was suddenly not-so-perfect, and he did not have a clue what was going on. He was grieving for what he saw as the loss of his ideal relationship. He told me: “Gillian and I fell passionately […]

This Isn’t a Competition: How to Stop Keeping Score in Relationships

Mort was a scorekeeper. He kept track of the things, little and big, that he did for his wife, Andrea. He noticed if she did not notice when he did something wonderful, and he was painfully aware if she did or did not do something nice for him. He would adjust his actions towards her […]

The Art of Being in Sync

Synchronicity. When two things—or in our case, people—work in perfect rhythm with each other. When you are synced with your partner you are fully present with that person – mind, body, spirit. ✓  You can walk side by side—somehow your footsteps match up… even though he’s 5 inches taller. ✓  You can finish each other’s […]

5 Great Holiday Dates

The holidays are a great time to either reach out to someone you’ve been wanting to ask out, or to step things up with someone you really like. It’s true, people are busy at this time of year, and spending lots of time with family, but the jolly mood, the time off from work, the […]

Toxic Relationships – What Are They and What Can Be Done?

David had been with Suzanne for so long that he forgot what it felt like to just feel good, or even okay, on a daily basis. He was in a toxic relationship but did not realize it. It was affecting his mental and emotional well-being. But he loved Suzanne – how could she be toxic? […]